these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
