My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
