Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
