I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
