Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
