we have pet lesbian snakes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
