Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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