You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
