So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
