I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
