Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
