bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
