I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
