i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
