i think my tv is drunk
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
