Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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