She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I just put wine in my tea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize