I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
