Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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