Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
