just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
