Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
