he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
