Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
