We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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