Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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