I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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