I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
