Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
