I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize