YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
