I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
