When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
