Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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