I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
