69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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