i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
