God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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