I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
