I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
