your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
someone threw a dead crab at me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
