I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
