Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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