Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
