no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
