then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
