She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
