Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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