i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
