just tell him i said nine months
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
