WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
