and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
