literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
