You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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