after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
