there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
