It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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