Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
