If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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