Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
