I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
